New Years Resolution

January 2010

New year is here. Have you made your New Year’s resolution yet? How was it like for you to make the resolution? It was quite an agony for me at the beginning… and then I made an interesting discovery!

One morning during my holiday break, I sat down in front of my computer and decided to work on my new year’s resolution. One idea came after another, and with each idea came the feeling of overwhelm and worry. “Can I actually achieve what I say that I want to do?” “Is it possible?” “How do I actually do it?” “I should be more realistic…” “I made a lot of resolutions before, how many of them I’ve actually achieved? It’s just useless.” Resistance started to build as more and more “shoulds” start to appear in my mind. Finally, I wanted to quit. I was face to face with the part of me that doesn’t want to risk anything, doesn’t want to be uncomfortable, doesn’t want to bother, and doesn’t want to try new things. That part is heavy, small, scared and full of inertia.

I really didn’t want to encounter this part of me at the beginning of the year.

So I stared out the window.

A squirrel was digging around in the garden. I started to think about spring. Then my thoughts went to gardening, hiking, helping more people in my practice, painting, writing stories, and playing with children and pets… I got more excited by those thoughts and I felt lighter, freer, stronger, and a sense of wanting to do something, to create, to build… The part of me that is energetic, curious, and creative came out. The two parts of me are so different like day and night. I decided to stay with this part of me and to write how I want my life to look like 10 years from now instead of “what I should do this year.”

Since I finished my script, I’ve been busy thinking excitedly about what the next steps are to get closer to that 10-year vision. One of the answers I got is that I want to share more Chinese Medicine knowledge with you. So instead of a quarterly newsletter, I will write a newsletter every month. The part of me that wants only comfort and fears unknown still doesn’t like it, yet the part of me that wants to grow and create is so excited about it and can’t wait to start! (You’ll find out which part of me wins each month as time goes along.) In Chinese Medicine, we say that our Qi goes to wherever we put our attention on, and whatever gets most of the Qi will grow. I’ve learned that I don’t move forward when I put my attention on struggling with or condemning the worst part of me: the laziness, fear, worries, and many other resistance. However, I start to feel motivated and take action when I choose to focus on the best part of me, which is always excited, curious and creative.

What would you like to grow in the New Year? Where do you intend to direct your Qi flow?